Seeing the light

[SimpleLady]

I just thought that I would try your idea of not giving my power away. For years and years I have tipped toed around my children, afraid that if I did not give in, they would not love me. Yesterday, one of them asked me if they could use the summer cottage. It was the week that my husband and I had been planning on using it. I just told them that we had already made arrangements. To my surprise, they simply said that that was okay, and would go another time. I could not believe my ears. For all these years I would have given in and changed my plans to accommodate them. Wow, never again. What a great feeling.

[RobinWren]

I just told them that we had already made arrangements. To my surprise, they simply said that that was okay, and would go another time. I could not believe my ears. For all these years I would have given in and changed my plans to accommodate them. Wow, never again. What a great feeling.

Congratulations, SL. Oh my, good for you! I wish I had your courage, the courage to say No even to those I love. I understand, on an intellectual level, that I "should" do so, that my health suffers when I push too hard and don't take enough time for myself. But guilt -- a fool's guilt indeed -- stabs me when I try to assert myself or someone evinces disappointment, and I back down immediately. I think this problem afflicts women in particular, though men are not wholly immune, because we were taught from a young age to take care of others first. Especially if you were a religious sort of person or raised in a religious family where the message was that a girl should aspire to be wholly unselfish, i.e. self-less.

Much could be said on that subject, but for now I mean only to once again congratulate you on your discovering "your power." But also in some sense on discovering your, i dunno, I hesitate to say "lack of power" but what I mean is this: you discovered that your simple decision to use the cottage that weekend did not in fact devastate your children, did not actually have the power to destroy them. To them it was merely a "no" not the momentous, even threatening, "No! Never again!" that you feared.

Keep up the good work. And best wishes!

RobinWren